Salad days

Pizza Guy: Good evening, Giovanni’s.

TD: I’d like to place an order.

PG: Delivery or pick-up?

TD: Pick up.

PG: OK, when you’re ready.

TD: Large sausage, thin crust.

PG: Would you like anything else with that?

TD: A small salad.

PG: We only have two sizes, medium and large.

TD: How big is the medium?

PG: It’s enough for two or three people.

TD: I just want enough for one person. Can’t you make me a small one?

PG: I guess we can, but I’ll have to charge you for a medium.

TD: How much is that?

PG: Four ninety five.

TD: Fine, a medium green salad.

PG: OK, one medium Greek salad. Anything else?

TD: No, not a Greek salad, a green salad.

PG: All our salads are green.

TD: A simple salad. Lettuce. Tomatoes. You know, a regular salad.

PG: A chef salad?

TD: No, I don’t want meat and cheese in my salad, I’m getting that on the pizza. I want a green … a tossed salad.

PG: Would that be an antipasto salad?

TD: No! A simple salad. Don’t you have plain salad?

PG: We have something on the menu called a “Garden Salad?” Is that what you want?

TD: Yes, that’s it! A garden salad! Also known as a green or tossed salad. Real simple. Didn’t your mother ever serve salad when you were growing up?

PG: No.

TD: Well I’d think you’d know what a plain salad is. How long have you been working there?

PG: Two months.

TD: Hasn’t anyone ever ordered a plain salad before?

PG: No, people ask for a garden salad, but I’ve never heard anyone call it a “plain” salad. Or, what was it you called it? A “green” salad?

TD: Fine, skip the salad, I'll just order the pizza.

PG: Is that for pick up or delivery?

TD: Pick-up.

PG: OK, when you’re ready.

TD: I already told you what kind of pizza.

PG: I didn’t write it down.

TD: Large sausage, thin crust.

PG: Would you like anything else with that?

TD: Can I speak to your manager?

PG: No, it’s his night off.

TD: Well who’s in charge? Can I speak to him or her?

PG: You’re speaking to him.

TD: Let me get this straight. You’re running a restaurant that serves two things – pizza and salad. And you’ve never heard of a green salad.

PG: Like I was saying, our menu calls them “garden” salads. I’ve never heard …

TD: … of a green or tossed or plain or regular salad. I’m not even hungry any more. Just forget it, OK?

PG: OK, thanks for calling Giovanni’s.