I am dabbing in Beulah Land

My Baptist grandma used to sing a hymn as she dusted. 

I'm living, on the mountain, underneath a cloudless sky

I'm drinking, at the fountain, that never shall run dry

Oh yes! I'm feasting, on the manna, from a bountiful supply

For I am dwelling... in Beulah Land! 

Well, I am not exactly dwelling in Beulah Land  but I'm dabbing in it. Not from a fountain, but from  a stick of Mitchum Power Gel Anti Perspirant that refuses to run dry. 


I bought it in December, have applied it every day since and, months past the time the container should have been tossed in the recycled bin, it still gushes a clear gel that gives me powerful protection every time I twist the knob. If you ask me, it's every bit as miraculous as the image of the Virgin Mary on the grilled cheese sandwich that sold on eBay for $28,000.

I am thinking about offering my Mitchum for sale on eBay, but wanted to give you, my loyal readers, the opportunity to buy it first. Opening bid: $500. Just think how much you can save, not to mention how clean and fresh you'll feel for eternity. 


Checks and money orders accepted.

PS: If, like me, you were raised in a country church and, now that you have read this post, can't quit humming Beulah Land, check out this video featuring a bizarrely upbeat rendition, lip-synched by worshippers so clean-cut they make the Lawrence Welk singers look like the Village People.