If campaign ads were written like Burma Shave signs

I was thinking about Burma Shave advertising the other day.  Some of you know exactly what I’m talking about. For those who don’t, Burma Shave was a brand of brushless shaving cream that, until the mid-sixties, was advertised using a series of small roadside signs, in groups of four, five or six. You would read the first line on sign one … then, 100 feet or so down the road, the second line on sign two … then the third … etc.  The last sign always read, “Burma Shave.” Here's one of my favorites:

The wolf is shaved

So neat and trim

Red Riding Hood

Is Chasing

Him

Burma Shave

The reason I was thinking about Burma Shave ads is that we are in for the dirtiest, nastiest, most depressing presidential campaign in generations. It's already started.

I sure wish Congress would pass a law limiting campaign ads to no more than 15 words, and require a rhyme to make us laugh, just like Burma Shave ads. Just think how much more civil and entertaining campaign season would be.

Here are some examples of what might be. (And for the record, I wrote five for each candidate so you don't have to count to try and figure out which one I'm for. Can’t stand either of them.)

                                               

If the wealthy 

You disdain

Remember Romney
Founded                                

Bain

Own a business?
It's well known
You didn't
Build it
On your own

The economy's
No longer slidin'.
Re-elect
Barack and
Biden

What's he doing
For the workforce,
When he's out there
On the
Golf course?

Feeling poorly?                        

Don’t despair.    

You’re covered                     

By                                 

Obamacare

Governor Romney

has a plan

To bring

Jobs back

From Vietnam

If you’re in   

The 1%   

You can thank  

The                    

Government                 

Who would have guessed

Obama could

Make Jimmy Carter

Look so
good?

Wanna know where       

Romney’s going?          

Depends which way            

The wind            

Is blowing  

As president
Barack's unfit.
So make sure
That you vote
For Mitt