Traveling with Fido this summer? Ask the dog travel expert!

Somewhere in the Carolinas:
 Bonnie and Billy Ray snoring on my wife's lap. 

My wife and I make at least two round trips between Florida and Connecticut every year. While it would be cheaper and faster to fly, we drive in order to bring our elderly dachshunds, Bonnie and Billy Ray, with us.

Knowing I am an expert when it comes to traveling with dogs, dozens of readers have written to ask my advice on traveling with their own pooches during this summer vacation season.

Here are my answers to some of the most commonly asked questions.

Q: “Do I need to buy any particular type of vehicle to travel with my dogs?”

A: We bought an SUV specifically for our dogs’ comfort. Like so many neurotic small breeds, they tend to become anxious whenever they are separated from us, so we figured we would fold down the rear seat and place their bed immediately behind the front seat. However, if your dogs are like ours they will insist on sitting on the lap of the person in the front passenger seat so you might as well buy a sporty two-seater. A Mercedes SLS AMG is a good choice. If you put the top down, tie their leashes to the gear shifter so they won’t blow away and ruin your vacation.

Q: “What if my dogs are too big to sit on the passenger’s lap?”

Then you will need a vehicle with both a front seat (for the dogs) and back seat (for the second passenger).

Q: “We refuse to leave our dogs in a hot car while we go into a sit-down restaurant so we wind up eating all our road meals at McDonald’s or Arby’s. It’s tiresome. It’s unhealthy. Do you have any alternative suggestions?”

A: Burger King. For limited time this summer, original chicken sandwiches are just $1.04 each.

Q: “This is a theoretical question. What if, while you were eating your $1.04 chicken sandwiches on the patio of a Burger King, you felt sorry for your dogs, who had refused to eat all day but were acting hungry? And what if you ordered two plain hamburgers for them, remembering that Burger King burgers are flame-broiled, not fried, so you assumed the burgers couldn’t harm the dogs’ sensitive digestive systems? And what if, while you were staying at a hotel that night, one of the dogs suffered a diarrhea attack causing an odor so awful it made the other dog vomit?”

A: I have two suggestions. 1.) Travel with an Oreck steamer to remove any carpet stains. If an odor persists after steaming, try rubbing the juice from a jar of peach salsa (available at roadside stands throughout the Carolinas and Georgia) onto the steamed area and that will disguise any untoward aroma long enough for you to get into the next state. 2). If you know from experience such an unfortunate accident might occur, you can always check into the hotel under an assumed name and pay cash so your credit card won’t be hit with cleaning charges. This is a theoretical answer, of course.

Q: “Can you recommend any hotels that welcome dogs?” 

A: No, but if you will email me, I’ll tell you the name of one you should avoid.