Saturday, December 3, 2016

Dachshund fashionista Bonnie refuses to dress Melania Trump

Fifteen-year-old dachshund Bonnie Dryden, known for her inimitable style and astonishing ability to sleep 23 hours a day, announced today that she is joining a growing list of fashionistas including Tom Ford, Sophie Theallet, Marc Jacobs, Derek Lam, Phillip Lim and Humberto Leon who won’t be dressing future First Lady Melania Trump.

“Mrs. Trump isn’t necessarily my image,” Bonnie told Chris Cuomo, licking her asshole during an appearance on CNN’s New Day.

The comment was ambiguous. Did she mean that Mrs. Trump doesn’t jibe with her aesthetic, or her politics?

Bonnie said she has nothing against Mrs. Trump.  “I don’t know her personally. It’s just that I only own one dress, a pink tutu my mother bought at an after-Halloween sale at PetSmart in 2005 and I haven’t seen it in a decade. Even if I were to find it, I don’t believe Mrs. Trump would be able to fit into it since I understand she is 5’11” and I am only 8” high, and it fit me well last time I wore it.”