TD (to attendant at front desk of LA Fitness, a gym I’ve belonged to for years): Hi. I’d like to suspend my membership. When I signed up, I was told I could suspend my membership one time if I ever needed to, after which I could reinstate without having to pay another initiation fee.
Attendant: What’s your name?
TD: Dryden, Thomas. I hate to do this – I like this place -- but until this COVID thing settles down, it’s silly to keep paying $32 a month for something I’m not using. I haven’t been here since March.
Attendant: There’s a fee of $10 a month to suspend your membership.
TD: Wait a minute, there’s a sign out front that says “Memberships $9.99 a month.”
Attendant: That’s the rate for membership in Esporta Fitness.
TD: What's Esporta Fitness?
Attendant: They bought LA Fitness’ Florida locations effective July 1.
TD: So this is now Esporta, not LA Fitness. Right?
Attendant: Yes, but they haven't changed the sign yet.
TD: Is this going to be same club with the same layout and same equipment?
Attendant: Yes.
TD: You’re saying it will cost me less to join the same club operating under a different name and have the right to use it whenever I want, than if I were to suspend my membership in a club whose brand has ceased to exist in which case I couldn't use it. Do I have that right?
Attendant: Yes, you'll have to resign your LA Fitness membership, but you won't be able to join Esporta immediately. You’ll have to wait at least a month. And once you join at the $9.99 rate, you won’t be able to use any other Esporta or LA Fitness locations – only this one.
TD: Fine. I don’t want to come here anyway – that’s why I’m here today. So go ahead, cancel my $32 a month LA Fitness membership so I don’t have to pay the $10 monthly suspension charge. When I decide to come back I’ll rejoin Esporta for just $9.99 a month, $22.01 less than I’m now paying. Sweet.
Attendant: I can’t do that for you.
TD: Why not? Your computer screen shows you’re on my account page.
Attendant: You’ll have to send Esporta a letter canceling your LA Fitness membership.
TD: Why can’t you just hit a button and cancel it?
Attendant: I just can’t. But I can print out the letter you’ll need to send.
TD: Can’t I cancel it online once I get home?
Attendant: No. They need a physical letter.
TD: OK, print it out.
Attendant (a few seconds later handing me the letter): Here you go. Be sure to send by certified mail.
TD: Thanks. I’ll come back and rejoin once this COVID mess is resolved.
Attendant: OK, no problem. Thanks for stopping by Esporta.
TD: I didn’t know it was Esporta until a minute ago.
Attendant: Has been since July 1.
TD: A question. Would they have continued charging me $32 a month to belong to this club that no longer exists under its original name if I hadn’t stopped by here today?
Attendant: Yes.
TD: I need a drink.
Attendant: We have sports drinks in the vending machine.
TD: No, after this conversation I need something stronger.
Attendant: Have a good day.
