Rock of aged

The Rolling Stones yesterday announced the addition of nine North American cities to their worldwide "50 & Counting" tour.

Wild horses couldn't drag me to see them if they were performing in my own back yard.

While it's swell the Stones still enjoy making music together after 51 years, there's no satisfaction to be derived from watching a group of grandpas bounce around a stage. Voices don’t improve with age. Nor do musical skills. And old men singing about youthful angst is as ludicrous as Bette Davis in her Baby Jane outfit singing, "I've Written a Letter to Daddy."

Rod Stewart, 68, was on TV recently performing “Maggie.”

Wake up Maggie, I think I got something to say to you.

It’s late September and I really should be back at school.

He looked and sounded ridiculous. Maybe he should consider updating the lyrics.

Wake up Maggie. 
Maggie, I said, “WAKE UP.”
Maggie, do you hear me?

Maggie??
Maggie???
Maggie!!!!
Please God, make her wake up!”

"Wait a minute," you say. "Tom is speaking out of both sides of his mouth. In his last post he praised his 100-year-old mother for refusing to let age get her down." And so I did. But my point was that my mother has never dwelled in the past and is always striving to expand her horizons. She wants to learn new things. Contrast that with the Stones who for the most part will be performing songs released during the Johnson and Nixon administrations, and their Boomer fans, who will shell out an average of $500 plus per ticket to see them.

Boomers flock to see aging rocksters in concert, hoping they'll find them as vibrant and vital as they were half a century ago. If they do, that means they – the Boomer fans  – must be, too. That’s an unrealistic expectation. The best one can hope to say is, “I saw the (insert group name here) last night. They did just fine and nobody died. At least nobody on the stage.”

Say I have a heart of stone but it's time for the Rolling Stones, Rod Stewart, The Beach Boys and other rockers who continue performing past their due dates to pack it in. They are rich. They are famous. They are revered. Their artistry will endure for generations. 

And while it may be fun and is certainly lucrative to pretend that time is on your side, the fact of the matter is, for aging rock stars, it isn't.