Take this poll. Please.

A recent survey finds that 33 percent of Americans think President Obama is doing a good job handling Social Security. A 33 percent approval rating seems high in light of the budget he submitted recently in which he proposed to cut benefits, a stance with which even leaders of his own party disagree.

Another poll shows that only four percent believe gun control is an important issue. (Guns were no doubt being held to the heads of the 96 percent who responded otherwise.)

Public opinion poll results should be taken not with a grain of salt, but with one of those 20-pound blocks of salt farmers leave in fields for cows to lick. Pollsters don’t always reveal exactly who they polled, or the answers respondents were given to choose from. Nor do they reveal who paid them to conduct the poll in the first place. The net net is that most poll results are about as impartial as a proud papa judging a beauty pageant in which his daughter is competing. 

Take this poll and try to guess the organization that commissioned each question.

PUBLIC OPINION POLL

Conducted by Impartial Polling LLC

Tell us what you think. We'll tell the world.

1. How do you rate Barack Obama’s handling of the economy? 

( ) Terrific

( ) Fabulous

( ) Bang-up

( ) Good

2. Should marijuana be legalized?

( ) Yes

( ) Most definitely

( ) Sí

( ) I agree 420%

3. What, in your opinion, is the biggest problem facing America today?

( ) Inferior quality Chinese-made brassieres

( ) McCormick & Schmick’s happy hour menu lists chicken sliders but 
    when I ordered I was told they were temporarily unavailable
( ) Gay marriage

( ) The cost of heating my pool during the winter months

4. What is your preferred airline? 

( ) Bimi Bangladesh

( ) Delta

( ) Air Uganda

( ) Pan Am

5. Who should be the next Republican nominee for president?   

( ) Rick Santorum 

( ) Lindsay Lohan

( ) Ronald Reagan
( ) Basshar Assad

6. To which vehicle brand would you give the highest score for reliability and safety? 

( ) Hindenberg
( ) Buick 

( ) American Flyer

( ) Pinto

7. Which state offers start-up companies the best overall business environment?

( ) West Carolina

( ) Tabasco

( ) Old Hampshire

( ) Connecticut

8. Which of these media outlets reports the news in the most fair and balanced manner?  

( ) Fox News

( ) North Korea Daily Worker

( ) MSNBC
( ) tomdryden.com

Thank you for your responses.