The best damn pie in the whole wide world

I belong to a gym located in a strip mall that also contains a Winn-Dixie supermarket.

A month or so ago, following a workout, I popped into Winn-Dixie to pick up something to grill for dinner. Just inside the entrance was a display of pies promoting the chain’s newest variety, Apple Caramel Drizzle, which, the sign proclaimed, was awarded the 2015 National Pie Championship by the American Pie Council. (Forget the UN: The United States should fund this worthy organization if it truly wants to promote world peace and happiness.)

I don’t even like apple pie. On the other hand, if someone were to drizzle caramel over dog shit I’d probably try it so I picked one up. And that evening, after a healthy dinner of grilled chicken, I cut myself a slice.

There are some things you will never forget. Holding your newborn, for instance. Your first forkful of Winn-Dixie Apple Caramel Drizzle ranks right up there with life’s most profound experiences. This is the best pie not only in America but in the world. The sugary but still slightly crunchy apples in a gooey sauce. The flaky crust. The buttery caramel -- not too little, not too much, just the right amount to complement the filling and allow your mouth to know you've tasted perfection. There isn't a tarte aux pommes in all of France that could hold a candle to it. I allowed my wife one small slice then ate the rest myself, except for a small sliver I saved for breakfast but I couldn’t wait – I got up in the middle of the night to polish it off.

While I’ve always been a casual gym-goer, I now go every other day, which just happens to coincide with how often I need a new Apple Caramel Drizzle pie. Last week I went into full panic mode when I discovered my local store had sold out but, mercifully, the Winn-Dixie in a neighboring town had one (but only one) left. 

The good news: Thanks to an incentive to go to the gym every other day, my chest, arms and legs are nice and toned. My rapidly expanding pot belly, on the other hand, makes me look eight months pregnant. I don’t care.

Only a handful of my loyal readers live in states where Winn-Dixie supermarkets are located  -- the chain's web site says they're in Florida, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana -- but trust me when I say that Winn-Dixie Apple Caramel Drizzle pie is worth moving from wherever you are to be near one.

I could go on and on but I need to go to the gym.