Under siege from a crazy-ass Cardinal

The crazed Cardinal rat-a-tat-tatting on the doors
in our darkened den. As you can see, I've lowered the storm
shutters almost to the ground but that doesn't stop him.

We have been under siege for two and a half months from a whacked-out cardinal who is trying to break into our house. 

He appears in the yard every morning with the sun, chirp-chirp-chirping as he maniacally flits from tree to tree, stopping every minute or so to rat-a-tat-tat on the windows and doors. Our dachshunds, who weren't that emotionally stable to begin with, have been driven insane by the nonstop noise. My wife and I aren't far behind them.

From what I’ve been able to learn, Mr. Cardinal sees his reflection in the glass and, thinking he’s face to face with another bird, attacks his own image. But I wouldn’t call what he is doing an “attack.” It’s too gentle. He's not doing damage other than leaving bird poop on our windowsills and porches and beak boogers on the glass.

I placed some ugly coral fish the previous owner left behind in the windows, thinking those would scare him away. He ignored them. I positioned lifesize wooden sculptures of beach people (yes, we have such things) in front of two large windows. They scared our pool guy so badly he said he almost wet his pants. The bird stayed away from those particular windows for a couple of hours then resumed his attacks. Online message boards suggested taping kraft paper over the windows so I did that where I could and lowered the storm shutters over the rest of the windows and doors, a no-no according to our community association which stipulates they are only to be deployed when a hurricane watch has been issued. But they are made from shiny aluminum so he pecks at those too.

Thursday, for the first time in weeks, we heard nothing all morning so I raised the shutters. Within seconds he was back, trying to drill his way inside. It’s almost as if he is trying to get into the house to tell us something or that there is something he wants.

Friends have suggested we buy a BB gun and blast him but we would never do that. He is an exquisitely beautiful creature. And, in a strange way, we have come to admire his exuberance and persistence.

That said, it is tiresome living in a dark house with barking dogs.