Welcome to Medicare!

Dear Boomer:

You’ve outlasted Dick & Jane, the USSR, disco, the mullet and America's space program. Here is your reward – your Medicare card. 

On the first day of the month in which you turn 65, you will be enrolled automatically in Medicare Part A, which will pay the costs of future hospital stays and will even pick up the tab for nursing home stays (while recovering from medical procedures) and hospice care (in case you don't). You will no longer have to pay out-of-pocket for these services except for certain deductibles plus Part B co-insurance and deductibles provided you enroll in Part B which, unlike Part A, will cost you money.

Part B, which is optional, covers doctor visits, lab tests, medical equipment and some preventative services that aren’t covered by Part A less certain deductibles and co-insurance payments for which you will be responsible. If you wish to enroll in Part B, do what Congress has done for the last six years – nothing. If you do not wish to enroll in Part B, please return the enclosed form no later than the tenth day after the fourth month during which you become eligible for Part A.

You may also be eligible for a Medicare Advantage Plan, which includes Parts A and B and sometimes D (see below). The Advantage Plan may, in some cases, offer certain advantages over regular Medicare Parts A and B which is why it’s called the Advantage Plan.

In addition to Medicare Parts A & B and/or the Medicare Advantage Plan, there is a wide range of supplemental plans available through multiple insurance companies. These plans include:

Part C: Covers your Part A and Part B deductibles and co-insurance amounts plus medical emergencies while traveling in foreign countries like Albania or Alabama provided you haven’t been out of the United States for more than 60 consecutive days which isn't a good idea for someone your age in the first place.

Part D: Covers your Part A deductible and co-insurance amounts as well as your Part B co-insurance but not your Part B deductibles and pays certain other expenses. 

Part E: Remember the time you and your high school buds heard a friend’s parents were out of town and he was throwing a huge party at his house with weed and a keg and when you showed up at the front door you were greeted by his father who informed you, “There is no party?” Well, it's deja vu all over again because ... there is no Part E. There must have been at one time because there’s a Part D (see above) and Part F (see below) and E comes between those letters in the alphabet but we couldn’t find out what it was.

Part F: Pays for all the deductibles not covered by Parts A, B, C, and D except for certain deductibles.

Part F+: Pays for everything Part F covers except there is a high deductible which means you’re paying a deductible so you won’t have to pay deductibles.

Special K Plan: Covers 100% of Part B coinsurance except $20 for doctor visits and $50 for ER visits provided you eat Special K at least five times per week.  

Plan M: Pays mental health-related costs (including hospitalization) for those who have been driven insane trying to decipher all the various plans.

Plan N: Covers 100% of Part B co-insurance plus stays in a skilled nursing facility.

Plan R: Covers Part B co-insurance costs for stays in an unskilled nursing facility.

Plan X: Includes all the above Parts and a lifetime membership to Larry Flynt Hustler Clubs nationwide.

Drug plans: These plans cover prescription drugs seniors like you need so you can play bingo, golf or whatever it is you people do all day. Plans are available through a number of insurance companies. Call your insurance agent or enroll online at www.medicare/gov.

In closing, I want to set the record straight about a rumor you may have heard. Some politicians – mainly Republicans whose party didn’t vote for Medicare in the first place, something we hope you will remember on election day – have claimed that Medicare will be completely bankrupt by 2024. Please be assured there is no truth to this rumor. We have enough funds to pay claims through 2025.

Should you have any questions, please visit www.medicare/gov, your local Social Security office or ask anyone you see driving a Buick in the passing lane at 40 mph with the turn signal blink-blink-blinking what plan(s) he or she chose.

Sincerely,

Sylvia Matthews Burrell

Secretary, Health & Human Services