Adventures of Chicken Man

When: Last night between 7 and 7:30 pm.

Where: Three fast food restaurants along I-70 in Kansas City.

Who: Myself and counter employees of KFC, Popeye’s and Church’s Chicken respectively.

7:02 pm, KFC

Employee: What would you like?

TD: I want a two piece meal with potatoes and gravy and I’d like one of the pieces to be a breast – I’ll pay extra if I have to.

Employee: We're out of chicken.

TD:  What do you mean?

Employee: We ran out.

TD:  Let me get this straight, you’re out of chicken?  Isn’t this a Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Employee: No, this a KFC. And we're also a Taco Bell.  How about a chicken taco or burrito?

TD: No, I'm craving fried chicken.

7:14 pm, Popeye’s

Employee: Can I take your order?

TD:  I want a two piece meal with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy and I’d like one of the pieces to be a breast. I’ll pay extra if I have to.

Employee: We’re out of chicken parts, we only have tenders.

TD: You're kidding, right?

Employee: They’re really good. No bones. I just ate one on my break.

TD: I can't believe this. No thanks. 

7:30 pm, Church’s

Employee: Can I help you?

TD: I want a two piece meal with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy and I’d like one of those pieces to be a breast. 

Employee: Do you want original or spicy?

TD: Original.

Employee: Do you want our two-piece deal? It comes with a biscuit and a medium drink.

TD: YESSSS!

Employee: OK, that’ll be $6.89. 

(Two minutes later I am handed my order on a tray. I fill my soft drink cup from the dispenser, sit down at a table in the dining area where I am the only customer, and realize I need a fork. I get up and go to the counter where the condiments, napkins and plastic utensils are kept. The bins are empty except for knives.)

TD (to employee): There aren't any forks on the counter. Could you get me one?

Employee: We’re out of forks.

TD: Okay then, a spoon.

Employee: We’re out of those too.

TD: How do you expect me to eat my mashed potatoes?

Employee: Would you like fries instead?

TD: No.

Employee: We have mac and cheese.

TD: How would I eat that? With a knife?

Employee: I’m sorry.

TD: How long have you been out of forks and spoons?

Employee: Ever since my shift started at 5. Well, now that I think about it we were out of them yesterday too.

TD: Hasn’t anyone else complained but me?

Employee: No, you’re the first. Every else goes through the drive-through.