Monday, October 30, 2017

Remembering Alice




From left: Bud, Tommy, Ruby and Judy Dryden
circa 1954, the year before Alice's death.

Yesterday I wrote a post about Alice Scott, the only black person who lived in the white part of Auxvasse, Missouri, my hometown, when I was a boy. Alice was our next-door neighbor. Nearly 1,000 people have already read my post and more than a dozen have left comments on Facebook. (If you missed it, click http://thomasdryden.blogspot.com/2017/10/an-auxvasse-story-alice-scott.html)

Alice died when I was three so I barely remember her, but I’ve always felt like I knew her because of the countless stories my mother and older siblings, Jerry and Judy, told me about her. To write yesterday’s post, I relied on notes I jotted down years ago as my mother, who had a memory like a steel trap and could remember every detail Alice ever told her, related the story of Alice’s life as Alice had told it to her. I always intended to write about Alice and I’m glad I finally did because her story is one that needs to be told, especially in times like these.

Judy, nine years older than I, remembers Alice well and loved her dearly. She was 13 when Alice died. After reading yesterday’s post, Judy sent me an email. I wrote back that I’d like to publish it as a follow-up because it’s a loving tribute that Alice deserves from one of the few people who remember her.

Judy says Alice was "the sweetest, kindest, most considerate person" she ever knew. I can say the same about my sister whose sense of justice and dedication to racial equality has never wavered. A card-carrying member of the NAACP, Judy has, for almost as long as I remember, attended marches, sit-ins and meetings to show her support for Civil Rights. I’ve always joked that she is embarrassed she was born white because, whenever there’s a racial incident, and such incidents are occurring with increasingly alarming frequency in Missouri where she lives, she comes down on the side of African-Americans.

Having read her email about growing up with Alice a constant presence in her young life, I now better understand her commitment. If you enjoyed reading about Alice, I believe you’ll find Judy's account fascinating. 


Tom:

Your post about Alice brings up all kinds of memories.  

Barring none, Alice was the sweetest, kindest, most considerate person I have ever known.  She also was the best cook.  She entertained lavishly and could make the daintiest appetizers! They were so good that, when I was a child, I would heap my plate high and be full before the entree was presented.  Alice made the food for almost all the bridal and baby showers in Auxvasse and hosted them in her home.

Although she could not read and write, she could cook anything without a recipe. To get one of her recipes, it was necessary to watch her make something and to guess the amounts of the ingredients that she used.  She had no measuring cups or spoons and just seemed to know how much of something to use.

Alice had friends from everywhere and mom used to read her mail to her. When I was five years old, she received a package from California containing a jar of olives.  Stores in Auxvasse did not sell them.  She offered me one and I thought it was delectable.  When Alice went uptown that day, she returned to find her olives gone and I had a tummy ache.  It is the only thing that I ever remember stealing and I won't forget what mom told me about it.

Alice's house and ours were interchangeable as far as I was concerned. I would go over and sleep in her bed.  She always kept me on Saturday night while Mom worked at the store. Frequently we would go uptown and she would send me into the tavern to buy us hamburgers, which we ate outside because Alice was not allowed in the tavern and everybody knew that a "lady" would not go to the tavern anyway.  From there, we went to the movies. (Believe it or not Auxvasse, in the 1940s, had a movie theater.) We always got popcorn and sat in the colored section.  

For a short time Auxvasse even had a drive-in theater. It was across the street from Alice's back yard so that we could sit there and watch.  It showed mostly Laurel & Hardy and Roy Rogers & Dale Evans movies. There were many (WWII) war scenes. Then came the cartoons, which I loved, followed by trailers of movies to come. Then the lion roared and the MGM symbol would appear.  

I was always amazed by what Alice was not allowed to do. She had never driven a car so she had to take the Greyhound to go from Auxvasse to Mexico or Fulton, the two largest towns that were close. Alice was always relegated to the back of the bus and it didn't make sense that she could not sit with me.

Alice worked incredibly hard and most people who knew her respected her for her graciousness, hospitality and intelligence. I had such a profound admiration for her.  She always had the best garden in town, both flowers and vegetables, and she canned and shared bouquets with the church and all of the people she knew who were ill or in mourning.

On the other side of our house lived another neighbor, an old maid named Miss Lou Henderson, who took in a boarder, a Mr. Wayne. Mom said that Alice and Miss Lou were total opposites.  Alice always thought about how she could make any situation better.  Miss Lou always thought about how she could exploit a situation for herself.  

Miss Lou would come by at least once a day to borrow a cup of something or other.  She asked for all our old clothes and leftovers.  Mom subscribed to some magazines and two daily papers.  Miss Lou would come over each morning requesting them.  Dad worked incredibly hard and woke up each morning before 6 am.  The only day he tried to take off was Sunday when he didn't have to be at the store by 7 a.m. Mom always wanted him to not set an alarm and to try to sleep until 8 on Sunday mornings.  It never failed that Miss Lou came over at 6:15 to get the paper and to get change for a dollar so she would have a coin to drop in the Sunday school collection basket.  

Miss Lou was a very religious Presbyterian and was appalled that my parents had not yet picked a church for our family so she took it upon herself to take me to her Sunday school and church and taught me the catechism. She discussed the fire and brimstone that she believed was at the core of Christianity.

Alice, on the other hand, attended the same church regularly and nearly always "boarded" the preacher free of charge.  She was the first to take a meal to the bereaved or to nurse someone who was ill.  She spoke positively of everyone and never complained.  Miss Lou did not treat Alice with respect.

The earliest tragedy that I can remember was when Alice got breast cancer and could not be treated locally. The nearest oncologist was in Jefferson City and his name was Dr. Sugarbaker.  He was a bigger-than-life doctor who became world renowned for his research and surgical skills. (For more about his family, read Fugitive Spring by poet and author Deborah Digges, his daughter.)

Doctor Sugarbaker was glad to have Alice as a patient.  He removed her breast and she lived 11 years after that. It was unheard of at that time for cancer patients to live that long.

Later in her life the cancer recurred and I would ride along when mom drove Alice to Jefferson City. Alice was not allowed in the restaurants and I would be sent in to get sandwiches for us to eat in the car or at a picnic table alongside the highway.  Dr. Sugarbaker continued to treat her.  He and his wife had nine children and occasionally on Sunday he would drive with his wife and children all the way from Jefferson City to visit Alice.  She would always have cake and lemonade for them and usually sent them back with one of her delicious pies or cakes.

Many people in Auxvasse didn't get to know Alice and some said disparaging things about her because of her color. It made me angry and I didn't and still don't understand it.  I remember thinking that, from what Miss Lou told me that Jesus said in the Bible, if Alice didn't go to heaven, there was no chance for the rest of us.

I could continue forever about the joy and the poignancy of Alice's life, her last days in the nursing home and death, but it saddens me.  

I'll always remember sitting with her on her "stoop" in the backyard while she was picking out hickory nuts or walnuts or snapping green beans and listening to her tell stories.

It is as close to heaven as I've ever been.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

An Auxvasse story: Alice Scott


I grew up in Auxvasse, Mo., population 507 as of the 1950 census, and was born in November of the following year. Next month I’ll turn 66.

Over the years I’ve written dozens of stories about Auxvasse and I could easily write dozens more. In fact, I could and should and someday just may write a book about growing up in a place whose residents even today don't know whether they're Midwestern or Southern. While central Missouri is geographically the former, it is sociologically very much the latter.

Auxvasse is in Callaway County, one of four counties comprising an area known as Little Dixie. The area was settled in the 1820s by tobacco farmers from Virginia and North Carolina. Thanks to the Missouri Compromise of 1819, perhaps the most ill-advised bill ever passed by Congress, Missouri was a slave state so many of the farmers brought slaves with them.

Growing up in rural Missouri, seeing on the map that my home state was smack-dab in the center of the country, I thought of myself as a Midwesterner. Once I left for northern cities, I was surprised to learn that people I met assumed I was a Southerner, not only because of where I was from but because of my accent, which I immediately made a conscious effort to lose but lapse back into when I've had a couple of drinks. I still don't know what the hell I am. At this point it doesn't matter but it would be nice to know for sure. But I digress.

When I was a boy, Auxvasse was split almost in two by the Gulf, Mobile & Ohio railroad tracks. White folks lived east of the tracks. African-American residents lived west of the tracks. 

I'm telling you all this because it's germane to the story you are about to read.

Alice Scott was our next-door neighbor. She died in 1955 when I was three, so I don’t remember a whole lot about her. I recall sitting with her as she was working in her garden and handing her clothespins as she was hanging laundry on her clothesline. My most vivid memory of Alice is going to visit her in the hospital shortly before she died, a white-haired old lady in a wheelchair.

Most of what I know about Alice I learned from my mother. Mom had a photographic memory and, up to the day she died at 102, could describe in astonishing detail events and people from fifty, sixty, even ninety years ago, and the tales she had heard them tell. While I take pride in my ability to remember things friends say they have forgotten, I certainly didn't inherit the kind of memory mom had. That’s why I want to write down the story of Alice now, before time takes it away from me, because it’s a tale that needs to be told.

Like most whites in Auxvasse, my family lived on the east side of the tracks. So did Alice, the only black person in the white part of town.

Alice thought she was born in the 1870s – she was never sure how old she was so it might have been the late 1860s – near McCredie, a small farming community south of Auxvasse. Her mother had almost certainly been a slave. She never knew her father..

One day when Alice was about four her mother was walking down a country road with her six or seven children when a Doctor Tate rode up and swooped Alice up onto his horse.

“Can I have this one?” he asked Alice’s mother.

Alice’s mother said yes. Unmarried and dirt poor as she was, that would be one less mouth for her to feed. So off the doctor rode with Alice, leaving her family – she never saw them again – in the dust.

That night, the doctor’s wife – the “old missus” Alice called her – placed Alice, who was crying for her mama, on a pallet next to her bed and held her hand.

For the next 60 or so years, Alice waited on the Tates hand and foot. She cleaned their house, hoed their garden, washed their clothes, cooked their meals and, on Sunday, attended their church where she always sat in the back row by herself – she wouldn’t dare sit with white folks who wouldn’t have allowed her to anyway. Alice never socialized with other black people. Working and living in the Tate household, she never had the chance to meet any.

One by one the Tates died off until only Miss Sally, who never married, was left. Sally sold the farm, bought a house on the east side of Auxvasse, and moved there with Alice.

When Miss Sally died, she willed the house to the Auxvasse Presbyterian Church, which she had joined and Alice attended, sitting alone in the back row as she always had, but directed that Alice should be allowed to live in it until her death. To support herself, Alice, who had never learned to read or write, took in laundry, dressed chickens, baked cakes and, on Sundays, made dinner for the Presbyterian preacher, a young man just out of seminary named Joe Mullen.

In 1955, when Alice died of cancer, Joe Mullen, by now a prominent figure in the church, returned to Auxvasse to preach her funeral.

Church elders had planned to bury Alice in the town’s black cemetery but, not wanting to anger Joe, who knew as well as they did that Alice had never been exposed to her own people and wouldn’t have felt comfortable spending eternity in that unfamiliar turf, buried her in the white cemetery instead. It seemed like the Christian thing to do. At the time, Alice was the only black person in the cemetery. I don't know if that is still the case today. Her gravestone, shown above, lists only the date of her death.

For years afterward, my mother made Alice’s orange cake recipe every Christmas. It was dense like a fruitcake, with a gooey orange glaze that, to my unsophisticated palette, tasted bitter. Mom never served it without retelling the story of Alice. As a boy, I thought it was just about the saddest story I had ever heard.

Sixty-some years later, it still is.


Wednesday, October 18, 2017

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Saturday, September 30, 2017

The Odyssey: A hurricane story


There isn’t a Floridian who doesn’t have a Hurricane Irma story. Here, for what it’s worth, and it’s not worth much, is mine.

Three weeks ago today, at 1:45 in the morning, my wife, our two dachshunds and I pulled out of our driveway and headed north. I can’t say what was going through the dogs’ minds – not much probably ­– but my wife and I were convinced we would never see our home again.  

We had planned to ride out Hurricane Irma in the house, which sits at an elevation of 12 feet above sea level, a mile or so from Estero Bay. All week we had been busy moving the outside furniture inside; cranking roll down storm shutters over some windows; installing massive aluminum panels, some 12 feet high, over the windows that didn’t have roll downs; running from store to store trying to find the batteries we knew we’d need when the electricity went off; buying bottled water, canned goods, fresh fruit, cookies and crackers for the the days we would be without refrigeration; waiting in lines at gas stations to top off both cars’ tanks; going to the bank for cash because credit and debit cards wouldn’t be usable once the electricity was down, and running to Home Depot for hardware and tools to install the storm shutters.

We stopped our preparations every few hours to check the website most Floridians have bookmarked, the National Hurricane Center, to see the latest forecast that is updated four times a day when a storm is brewing in the Atlantic. Early in the week the NHC showed Irma was likely to hit Florida’s southwest Gulf coast, where we live, head on. Then it showed the eyewall shifting slightly to the east, coming up the center of the Florida peninsula. Then it moved to the east coast. Then they projected it would move up the coast off shore, hovering somewhere between the mainland and the Bahamas. On Thursday, as things became clearer, the forecast shifted back to the Southwest Gulf coast, and there it stayed.

The 11 o’clock local weather forecast Friday night scared us shitless: Irma, it was almost certain, was going to hit us sometime Sunday afternoon head-on as a category 5 with 150 plus mph winds. The storm surge – water rushing from the gulf to the bay and across the low-lying lands bordering the bay –on top of the predicted eight to 12 inches of rain Irma was sure to bring, was going to be even more destructive than the winds. The governor was on TV, telling us that if we planned to evacuate, this was our last chance.

We looked at each other and said, “We’re outta here.” We threw clothes into suitcases, and tossed blankets, towels, cases of water and boxes of food (human and dog) into the back of the SUV. The last thing I did before we left was to install aluminum panels over the side door to the garage. I only had four screws left to hold three panels but it didn’t matter. The house was a goner anyway.

We love our house. It’s full of stuff we’ve collected over the last 40 years, some of it irreplaceable. Funny but when you learn you’re in the path of what forecasters are saying will be the most catastrophic hurricane to hit Florida in a decade, you don’t care about all that stuff as you pull out of the driveway. You just want to get away with what’s important, the people and creatures you love.

My wife’s mother lives in a recently built Assisted Living Center a few miles south of us. It’s a fortress, built to withstand even a cat 5 storm. We had been assured a plan was in place to take care of its residents, including generators, food and staff. She, at least, was in good hands. We weren’t so sure about us.

Within 10 minutes, we were on Interstate 75, headed toward Tallahassee in Florida’s panhandle, 420 miles to the northwest, where my nephew had graciously invited us to stay. Earlier that evening I had emailed him that we were still planning to ride it out. That was before we watched the 11 p.m. forecast. I decided I’d text him when we were about an hour from his house which I figured would be sometime around noon if we were lucky enough not to encounter stop and go traffic and/or run out of gas because the stations, the news said, were out of it.

To our surprise, traffic was moving just fine and didn’t even become heavy for 100 miles or so until we reached Sarasota. We had heard horror stories from friends who had already fled north. It took one couple 24 hours to drive the 800 miles to Jackson, Mississippi, the nearest hotel room they could find. Other friends spent two days getting to Nashville. Still others tried to get out of Dodge and returned hours later with tales about bumper to bumper traffic and no gas.

Within three hours we had traveled 150 miles and were just outside Tampa where we stopped for gas – no waiting – and, having been awake since 6 a.m. the previous morning, drove through the drive-through window of a McDonald’s for coffee. The vehicle in line ahead of us was a 1980s mini-van. Its rear window was missing. The only thing in the cargo area was a miniature aluminum Christmas tree. The van had a hand-lettered cardboard license plate and the driver’s door was stuck open at a 45-degree angle, like the flaps on a plane that’s coming in for a landing. The inside panel of the door was missing. There was some altercation – we couldn’t hear it – between its occupants and the server before they drove away. “Crackheads,” the server told us, shaking her head. “They probably headed south,” I joked. She laughed. “Good luck,” she said, handing us our coffee. Everyone in Florida was punch drunk at that point.

We stopped several hours later in Lake City, Florida for more coffee. Dunkin’ Donuts was packed. Strangers were asking each other, “Where are you from and where are you going?” A guy in line ahead of me from Miami said he had no idea where he was headed. “I just want to get the hell out of this goddam state.”

Traffic was heavy but moving. Just north of Lake City we saw parked by the side of the road dozens of trucks bearing the logos of out-of-state utility companies from as far away as New Jersey that were awaiting word to proceed to southern Florida once the hurricane had passed.

By 9 a.m., to our amazement, we were in Tallahassee.

My nephew and his wife installed us in her parents’ beautiful home overlooking a golf course, telling us we’d be more comfortable there. Her parents were at their summer home in the Rockies. I went to the supermarket and bought some food and three bottles of wine. It was packed with panicked shoppers, who had picked some shelves clean because Irma was now predicted to hit Tallahassee, which sits 20 miles inland, on Monday. The scene was a repeat of the frenzy we had witnessed in our local Publix a few days before. We finally fell asleep around 1 p.m.

My niece-in-law’s parents had turned off Comcast for the summer (a decision my regular readers know I agree with) so there was no Internet or TV. Desperate for news, we found a Hooters for dinner that had outside TVs and allowed dogs on the patio. The weather forecast hadn’t changed from the night before. Southwest Florida was officially ground zero. The group at the table next to ours was from our town. They, too, had fled the night before.

Sunday morning I checked the messages on our home phone. There were two robocalls – mandatory evacuation orders from the local government, telling us that if we didn’t leave that very minute and go to one of the many shelters set up in local schools and arenas, that we were on our own if we needed help.

We watched live-streaming Ft. Myers TV all day Sunday on my cell phone as the hurricane approached and hit. It struck the Keys in the morning and mid-afternoon made landfall at Marco Island, about 30 miles south of our home, as a category 3. The weatherman said it was going to continue thundering up U.S. 41. We live a mile west of U.S. 41. Swell. He rattled off the names of the neighborhoods, including ours, that looked to be directly in Irma’s path and could expect massive flooding. Irma hit our town around 5 p.m.

Around 7 p.m, after the eyewall, to our horror, had passed directly over our house, it was downgraded to a category two as Irma unexpectedly swerved ever-so-slightly to the northeast, sparing Ft. Myers and Cape Coral from the worst of her wrath. The weatherman said he had good news: The expected storm surge was minimal because Irma had hit at low tide.  

We turned in early, physically and mentally exhausted.

The next day was windy with some light rain and the hurricane, we learned, had blown through Tallahassee overnight as a tropical storm. My nephew and his wife, who were without power in their home, stopped by with their daughters. We were playing a game when my cell phone rang. It was our neighbor, George. He and his wife had attempted to flee up I-75 on Wednesday but had returned after realizing there was no gas to be had. They had ridden out the storm in the stairwell of another friend’s mid-rise condo. He couldn’t talk long because he was trying to preserve cell phone battery, but reported that our house looked to be OK. Some trees were down and several screen panels on our pool cage were torn but that, as far as he could tell, was the extent of the damage. He said the rest of the neighborhood got off with about the same amount of damage as we did, but that streets were impassable due to downed trees and, needless to say, there was no power. We could barely believe our luck. 

We had been planning, for months, to spend that week in the Outer Banks of North Carolina, where our son and his wife had rented a house. “Let’s go,” I told my wife. “There’s no reason to go home since there’s no power.”

“We ought to wait and leave tomorrow,” she said. “No,” I told her, “if we leave now and overnight somewhere in Georgia, we can get there tomorrow night and have four full days to spend with the kids.”

Within an hour we were back on the road again, heading north into Georgia. Thomasville, about an hour north of Tallahassee, had no power. Nor did any other town we passed through for the next 200 miles. While Florida got most of the media attention, Irma did some massive damage to southern and central Georgia, too. We saw an armada – literally hundreds – of utility trucks and tree service trucks headed south.

I should have checked the forecast, because we drove right into the remnants of Irma. The further north we drove, the harder the rain and the heavier the winds we encountered. At Macon, I took what the GPS showed to be a backroads shortcut over to Interstate 20 so we would avoid the Atlanta metro area. For two hours we twisted and turned through darkened countryside, dodging fallen trees, downed road signs and rain as heavy as any I have ever driven though. My wife was furious. “I told you we should wait a day.” I readily admitted she was right. It was out-and-out scary, the worst ride of our lives.

When we finally made it to I-20, I stopped at a Holiday Inn whose lobby was packed with people trying to sleep on the floor. No room in the Inn. The clerk said there were likely no rooms anywhere in central Georgia that night. But at the next exit I found a fleabag motel – no electricity – where a clerk was engaged in conversation with a couple through a bulletproof screen. The couple – the wife carrying a baby who looked to be the age of our youngest grandson -- had a pit bull terrier that was running up and down the sidewalk off leash. They stepped aside as I approached the window. “Do you have a room?” I asked the clerk, an Indian woman, shouting to be heard over the wind and driving rain. “Yes. It’s $125.” “I”ll take it,” I said.

At that moment the young man told the clerk, “We only have $40. Can’t you give us a room for that?”

“No,” she snapped.

Knowing I had been blessed beyond belief, I told her I’d pay for their room, that nobody should have to be out in that weather.

“How can I ever repay you?” the young man asked.

“Some day you can do the same for someone else,” I answered. His room was $125, too. I later found out the hotel’s regular room rate is $60.

When I went back to the car and opened the door, the couple’s pit bull leapt into the driver’s seat and jumped up against my wife, who was holding our two dachshunds in her lap. She somehow resisted the urge to scream out in terror. I didn’t want to reach in and pull the dog off, lest I provoke him to attack her.

“Get your fucking dog off my wife!” I shouted at the young man, who reached in and pulled the dog off.

Our room was on the second floor. There was no power. It was hard to carry the bags up the open stairs with no light to guide us, through wind gusts so strong the rain appeared to be falling horizontally. The parking lot was full of cars with Florida plates. Fellow Irma refugees.

“This stinks,” my wife said when we got into our pitch-black room.

We couldn’t take showers – no hot water and no power. It came back on sometime during the night but went off again a few hours later and stayed off.

The next morning we found out why the room stank. My wife had stepped in a pile of dog poop some other guest’s dog had left in front of our door. There was no way she could have seen it.

A woman in the parking lot said she had fled Florida with her 90-year-old father who had to breathe through a machine. “There’s no power and I’m almost out of oxygen tanks. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” I wished her well and we continued on our way. There was no electricity so we couldn’t find a place selling coffee until we reached Augusta, near the South Carolina line. We arrived at the Outer Banks around 7 that night.  

When we logged on to the Internet, we found emails from friends and family concerned about our safety and, for the first time in days, had access to web sites that enabled us to see a fuller picture of what Irma left in her wake than we had been able to learn from radio news broadcasts. It wasn’t pretty.

Over the next four days we tried, we really did, to act normally around our children and grandchildren but we were exhausted and on edge and I know they could sense it.

We left Sunday morning and made it 700 miles to Jacksonville, Florida where, in the parking lot of our hotel, dazed-looking people draped with Red Cross blankets were smoking cigarettes. A man told my wife his house had caught fire during Irma and burned to the ground. Just as we were turning in, I got a text from a neighbor that the power at our house had just come back on. Sweet.

The next day, as we continued south through Daytona, Orlando and Ft. Myers,  we saw lots of damage. No missing roofs but lots of uprooted trees, flattened billboards and downed power lines.

Our own development was a mess – trees down everywhere, some pool cages missing, almost every yard covered with broken branches, leaves and other debris that had blown in from who knows where. I took the storm shutters off the garage door and we went inside, half expecting to find rain had leaked through the roof or water had somehow seeped through the storm shutters covering the windows. But everything was good.

In all, we had seven trees down, seven pool screens that needed replacing and our pool cage suffered structural damage. It was apparently lifted up and detached from our house and how it is still standing I’m not quite sure, but there’s no way we’re going to be able to find anyone to fix it until well into the next year. Friends report pool cage repairmen’s voice mailboxes are full so they can’t even leave messages.

It’ll cost us a few thousand out of pocket since our insurance policy doesn't cover anything until we have shelled out $22,000. High deductibles are the only possible way insurers can afford to offer coverage in a state that juts out into storm-prone Atlantic waters.

Since then I’ve taken down shutters, moved furniture back outside, cleaned the swimming pool which was full of debris and mud, and cleaned the fridge (gross – I forget to empty it when we left in the middle of the night and the power was off for a full week). Jose, our perpetually cheerful yard man, is slowly but surely carrying away debris each time he visits but says it will take a while because all of his other regulars have as much if not more of it than we do and his truck only has so much room.

I work at the local Food Bank one day a week and have been volunteering for extra shifts, handing out food and other supplies at local temporary pantries. It breaks my heart. The neighborhoods that were hardest hit – the ones that suffered the most flooding, the ones the power companies restore electricity to last – are the poorest ones, the ones populated primarily by immigrants who do most of the heavy lifting around here, folks who live in trailer parks and shacks way out toward the Everglades. Entire families are without food and running water and many wage earners whose jobs depend on agriculture – orange pickers for instance – and tourism have lost their incomes. Many of them work in our own community and have been hard at work removing downed trees and serving up fancy meals at the country club to people whose homes have only been cosmetically damaged and lightly at that. Residents of our community have teamed up to raise funds to help them out.

Tourists are avoiding southwest Florida, assuming we are devastated. We’re not. Everything tourism-related is pretty much up and running. The malls are teeming with people buying stuff they don’t need at post-hurricane sale prices. Restaurants are packed with homeowners who’ve returned from their northern homes to see that their properties are OK. Here in our development the streets are lined with tree stumps, branches and other debris awaiting pick-up by city workers. A man at the monthly meeting of the board that governs our community complained city workers aren’t moving fast enough for him and proposed that we try and find private companies to clear the debris, as if any of them aren’t working. When you step outside, you hear chain saws and see FEMA trucks whose workers are cutting overhead branches dangling above roadways. I find it odd that FEMA trucks are in our gated community. Seems to me they’re needed more in Houston and Puerto Rico.

We’ve heard some amazing (and funny) stories. We had dinner the other night with a couple our age who had intended to ride out the storm in their home but, once they were ordered to evacuate, wound up spending two nights in a high school shelter. It took them hours to check in because authorities first had to identify that they (and the four thousand or so other shelter guests) weren’t registered sex offenders. Had it been discovered they were, they would have been assigned their own room with their fellow offenders where they could have presumably molested each other. The day after the storm, knowing they had no electricity at home, they headed toward Tampa in search of a hotel. Their worried son, who had access to the Internet at his Georgia office, texted them the names of the two or three hotels he was able to find that had available rooms. One of them was a clothing-optional hotel. They came home.

Some well meaning people have said the reason we escaped with minimal damage is that God was looking out for us but I don’t buy that for a minute. If He was looking out for us, why wasn’t He looking out for St. Maarten, Antigua, Barbuda, the Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico and Cuba, whose residents have been decimated by Irma and Hurricane Maria? Or for the 200,000 Houstonians whose homes were flooded by Harvey? Or for the unfortunates lined up at the food pantries a few miles down the road for cases of water, boxes of Keebler cookies, jars of peanut butter, packages of cheap diapers and cans of tuna and pears imported from China? Yes, China. The country where, when I was a kid, we were told people were starving, is now sending food to poor Americans.

As my Aunt Margaret used to say when confronted with a question for which there is no easy answer, I don’t know. I just don’t know.

But I do know and appreciate how, whatever God was or wasn’t doing, we got off lucky.  

Front yard of the house across the street, piled high with hurricane
debris awaiting removal.


Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Tom's review: "Ozark" on Netflix


I grew up in rural Missouri, an hour or so north of Lake Ozark, the huge man-made lake locals like to boast has more shoreline than California has Pacific coastline. My parents honeymooned at The Lake (that’s what Missourians call it). I have friends and relatives who either live there full-time or spend every summer weekend at their vacation homes or aboard their houseboats. 

So I was excited to watch Ozark, a new Netflix series about Chicago financial planner Marty Byrde (played by Jason Bateman who also produced and directed) and his wife Wendy (Oscar nominee Laura Linney) who move to Lake Ozark to launder drug cartel money.

While staying in a fleabag motel, a suitcase containing millions in fresh crisp bills is stolen from their room by Ruth, a devious blonde with a painfully phony southern accent (played by New York actress Julia Garner whose performance has received stellar reviews). Ruth’s accent is doubly wrong because rural Missourians don’t speak with southern accents, they speak a derivation of Appalachian English, as spoken by the western Virginia/eastern Kentucky Scotch-Irish folks who settled the region 200 years ago. While Yankee viewers won't notice it, there’s a very real difference between a southern accent and the accent Ruth’s character should have used that will stick in the craw of any Missourian.

Marty confronts Ruth and, in return for a vague promise of eventually funneling some of the money back to her and her trailer-trash family, convinces her to give him back the suitcase. Ruth says sure.

A few episodes later, Marty makes Ruth the manager of a titty bar he has just bought from its unwilling-to-sell owner in order to launder cartel money. Ruth, who gave back $8 million in cash, happily agrees to a salary of $1,000/week. She hires new strippers, replacing one who appears to be nine months pregnant – the natives, the directors apparently assume, are so stupid and/or perpetually stoned they’ll watch anything – and rakes in $80,000 in revenue the first weekend. Not bad.

The bar’s former owner is murdered by the series’ main antagonist (more about him later) and found floating around the dock of Marty’s house but Marty convinces the sheriff it’s an unfortunate coincidence. The sheriff, a moron like every Missourian in Ozark, buys the story.

One Sunday morning Marty happens upon a church service being conducted on the lake by a minister preaching from a boat and has a Eureka moment; he can launder money faster by offering to build the congregation a physical church on land and inflating the costs. He and Wendy meet with the minister to propose the new building and the minister accepts. As if any preacher would say okay to such a generous gift from city slickers who just moved to town and bought a strip club.

Construction begins immediately but Marty, who, all things considered, has had an easy time because everyone he has dealt with up to this point has the IQ of a deer tick, finally meets his match, a local heroin dealer who has been laundering his ill-gotten gains through the strip club. The dealer is pissed not only because his launder-mat, the club, is under new ownership but because, once the church is built, he will have no way to distribute his heroin, a task he has been accomplishing by hiding it in hymnals passed out every Sunday to boat owners posing as church congregants.

There is no other way for the dealer to smuggle his heroin out of town. It is, apparently, impossible for him to drive it out, hidden in the wheel wells of his pick-up truck. Or to load it on boats, as the dealers did in Bloodline, another Netflix series. Nor does it occur to him to pack it in condoms and stick it up the orifices of his hillbilly buddies.

No, the only way to get that heroin on the street (and the whole plot revolves around this idiotic premise) is to continue packing it in hymnals distributed on the water, so it is absolutely, positively, essential that Marty not build that church. The dealer orders Marty to cease construction … or else.

The writers clearly didn't take into account that the dealer might want to consider another means of distribution because eight months out of the year, the boat church wouldn't be operational anyway due to the weather. Nor did they consider, when the dealer points out to Marty that the heroin-filled hymnals are a different shade of blue than the ones handed out to bona-fide worshipers, that they might as well hire skywriters to spell out, "Hey po-lice! We're doing something shady here!"

After seven episodes, I couldn't take any more and turned Ozark off.

There are dozens of other issues, large and small, that anyone who has ever spent any time at The Lake will spot instantly. For instance, a rich city kid, who winds up deflowering Marty’s 15-year-old daughter played by an actress who could easily pass for someone in her mid-thirties, purchases a six-pack of Busch. Any Missourian knows that rich kids buy Bud, not its cheaper sister brand. Busch is for po’ folk.

Ozark, in my opinion but not the opinions of professional reviewers who have generally given it favorable (albeit tepid) reviews, is unwatchable. The script is God-awful; the writers obviously believe viewers are as dumb as the natives. The characters are either crooked, stupid, insane, inbred, or any combination thereof. There isn’t one who is likable or even vaguely admirable, including Marty’s 13-year-old son for whom viewers should have some sympathy because, through no fault of his own, he was just yanked from his cushy suburban Chicago existence and set down in Deliverance, but he eviscerates animals for fun.

What is, ultimately, most disturbing is that the lead actors agreed to lend their names to this dreadful soap opera. Didn’t it ever occur to them to say, “Wait a minute, this is really bad writing?” Or did they simply take the job for the money? Either way, viewers need to hold Bateman and Linney accountable when deciding whether to watch future series or movies in which they may appear lest those vehicles turn out to be as simple-minded as Ozark.

To add insult to injury for Missourians who hoped to enjoy the scenery of their home state, the exteriors weren’t even shot around Lake Ozark but in Georgia. Missouri officials, according to an interview I read with the show’s creator, a St. Louis headhunter turned screenwriter, wouldn’t give the producers tax breaks.

Good for them.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Why the Osmonds are going to hell


I was driving my car down the highway a few days ago, listening to Seventies on Seven on XM radio, when the most excruciatingly obnoxious song of the previous century started playing.

Under normal circumstances I would have switched stations instantly but I couldn’t at that particular moment because I was driving Roo Roo, our new dachshund, to his weekly session with his trainer. (Turns out he has trust issues. Don’t we all?)

Of the seven dachshunds we’ve owned, Roo Roo is, hands-down, the worst passenger ever – worse even than Bonnie who, whenever it rained, lunged Cujo-like at the windshield wipers, simultaneously growling and crying with every swipe. One day we drove 500 miles in the rain and she didn’t let up, even for a second.

When I confine Roo Roo to his crate, he projectile vomits chunks of Purina Pro Plan Salmon & Rice formula all over the upholstery. To avoid having to clean and air out the car, I place him in the front passenger seat where he spends the entire drive struggling to cross the console and sit in my lap where, if he succeeded, he'd no doubt steer us directly into the path of an oncoming semi. So I have to hold the steering wheel with my left hand, and use my right to fend him off. But back to the song.

I was a sophomore in college when it was released and almost immediately soared to number one on the charts, where, according to Wikipedia,  it remained for five agonizing weeks. I remember a disc jockey on KTGR in Columbia, Mo., locked himself in the control room and played it nonstop for two hours. When he was finished, he announced he had played it the number of times he would be required to play it over the next week, befitting its number one position, so his listeners wouldn’t have to suffer through it again for seven more days.

This morning when I woke up this effing song was playing on the jukebox inside my head where it keeps repeating. And repeating. And repeating. I do believe I’m going mad.

The Osmond Brothers may be good Mormons but they’re going straight to hell for the agony they’ve inflicted on millions with this one song.

Click on the above video at your own peril because, once you do, you won't be able to get it out of your head either. 

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

The wedding of the century

The bridal couple with their parents - Ervin and Ina Nolte,
and Ruby and G.L. (Bud) Dryden

The most extensively documented wedding of the previous century wasn't that of Princess Elizabeth to Philip Mountbatten in 1947, of Monaco's Prince Rainer to actress Grace Kelly in 1956, or of Lady Diana Spencer to Prince Charles in 1981.

It was the wedding of Nancy Ann Nolte to my brother, Jerry, on August 4, 1957, sixty years ago this week, which was documented in painstaking detail by the world's most observant reporter, Mrs. Dula Hook, in the August 7, 1957 issue of the Auxvasse (Mo.) Review, my hometown paper. 

Mrs. Hook was the one and only reporter for the weekly, which was typeset and printed by her husband, Clayton, who also printed up all the farm sale bills for the northern half of Callaway County, Mo. Every Wednesday afternoon, the four-page Review, which couldn't have possibly had more than 200 subscribers because there were only 507 people in the town, rolled off the press with excruciatingly detailed stories about every single thing that had happened in and around Auxvasse during the previous week -- every birthday party, every death, every gathering of every club, every wedding, and every social event (including families "calling" on each other on Sunday afternoons and the refreshments they enjoyed -- sometimes Coca-Cola, other times Pepsi or RC). 

It's tempting to scoff at the picayune details Mrs. Hook wrote about in describing Jerry and Nancy's wedding  -- for instance, not only the bride's dress but the fabric covering the buttons on the dress -- but, when you think about it, it's a remarkable and impressive piece of journalism. Had she lived anywhere but Auxvasse, Mrs. Hook, with an eye for details a casual observer would never notice, could have been a reporter for any paper, anywhere. Read her wedding coverage below and see if you have ever seen a story containing this much information. I learned some new words as I typed the story and I bet you will, too.

The one detail Mrs. Hook didn't mention is that the flower girl, five-year-old little Miss Karen Nolte, niece of the bride, got into a fistfight in the front yard of her grandparents' home where the reception was held, with the five-year-old ring bearer, Tommy Dryden. For years my mother kept as a souvenir the white suit I wore that was covered in grass stains and blood. 

But, before you read about the wedding of the century, please join me in wishing Jerry and Nancy a happy 60th anniversary. While they grew up in the same small town, they could have searched the world over and never found anyone as perfectly suited for each other as they were and are. During his career as a military officer, they lived all over the US, in Asia and Europe, raised four accomplished children and, for the last 40 years, have lived in a Dayton suburb.  


Jerry and Nancy, I love, admire and respect you more than you will ever know. And I'm sure I speak for the flower girl when I say I'm sorry about that unfortunate incident at the reception.


Miss Nolte Becomes Bride of Jerry Dryden

Shades of pink predominated at the wedding of Miss Nancy Ann Nolte and Jerry Tate Dryden on Sunday afternoon at the Grand Prairie Baptist Church in Auxvasse. The church pastor, the Rev. Dale Norfolk, officiated at the three o'clock double ring ceremony. Large arrangements of emerald foliage formed the background for the twenty-eight pink altar tapers in tall candelabra.

Mr. and Mrs. Ervin Nolte and Mr. and Mrs. G.L. Dryden, Jr., parents of the couple, were seated in pews marked with large white satin bows.

A half-hour prelude of love songs played by Mrs. J.M. Motley of Fulton preceded the ceremony and she also accompanied the two soloists. Mrs. Motley's selections included "To A Wild Rose" (MacDowell); "Romance" (A. d'Ambrosio, op 9); "Thais" Meditation (J. Massennet); "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring (J.S. Bach); "The Rosary" (E. Nevin); "Poem" (Fibich); "Thou Art Like Unto a Flower" ((Rubenstein, arrg. by C. Pigg); "My Heart at Thy Sweet Voice" (from Samson & Delilah by C. Saint-Saens); "White Orchids" Bridal Prelude (J.F. Cooke); "Ave Maria" (Bach-Gounod).

"I Love You Truly" by Bond was sung by Gene Magruder of Auxvasse preceding the ceremony, and Mrs. Harold Nolte of Jefferson City sang "The Lord's Prayer" by Malette as the couple knelt for the benediction.

As the bridal party approached the altar, Mrs. Motley played the Bridal Chorus from "Lohengrin" by Wagner, and used the Wedding March from "A Midsummer Night's Dream" by F. Mendelssohn as the recessional.

Given in marriage by her father, the bride wore a gown of frost-white Chantilly lace over satin. The modified V neckline was embroidered with tiny seed pearls and iridescent sequins and the fitted bodice was closed down the back with tiny self-covered buttons. The long sleeves that came to a point over the hands also closed with tiny self-covered buttons. The aisle-wide skirt was worn over crinolines and hoops and extended into a medium-length train. Her veil was made in three tiers of French illusion and fastened to a pearl tiara. The bride carried an arrangement of white orchids and agapanthus on a lace covered prayerbook with satin streamers, tied at intervals in lovers' knots.

Preceding the bride down the aisle were four attendants, Miss Faye Anne Hellyer of Mexico, maid of honor, Miss Dixie Ehler of Omaha, Nebr., cousin of the bride, Miss Judy Dryden, sister of the bridegroom, and Miss Janice Bartholow, both of Auxvasse. The four were gowned alike in chalk-white embroidered organdy over blush pink taffeta, with matching mitts. The bodices featured a scalloped neckline and short sleeves. Sashes of pink taffeta were tied in butterfly bows at the back, with streamers falling to the scalloped hems of the terrace-length skirts. They wore picture hats of white organdy over taffeta, and pink slippers. Instead of flowers, each carried an old-fashioned lace-tiered fan.

Pink rose petals were scattered in the bride's path by the flower girl, Little Miss Karen Louise Nolte, niece of the bride, and 5-year-old daughter of Dr and Mrs. Roger E. Nolte of  Rolla, Mo. She wore a terrace-length dress similar to that of the bridesmaids, of white embroidered organdy over a deeper shade of pink, with matching mitts. A pink cummerbund encircled her waist and tied in a bow at back with streamers down the back. Her tiny hat was of white organdy over pink taffeta, and her shoes were pink. Her corsage was of pink carnations.

Tommy Dryden, 5-year-old brother of the bridegroom, was ring bearer. He wore a white suit and carried the rings on a heart-shaped pillow edged with lace and white satin ribbon streamers.

The altar tapers were lighted by Susan and Marilyn Nolte, nieces of the bride and also daughters of Dr. and Mrs. Nolte of Rolla. They wore identical dresses of embroidered white organdy over American Beauty rose faille, with matching mitts. Their hats also were of white embroidered organdy over American Beauty rose faille, and their shoes were pink. Each had a corsage of pink carnations. Their pink lighting candles were decorated with pink flowers and ribbon streamers. After lighting the tapers, they stood during the ceremony on the first step of the altar.

Robert Owens of Gerald, fraternity brother of the bridegroom at Westminster College in Fulton, was best man. Ushers were Gilbert Dryden of High Hill, cousin of the groom, Clayton Mottaz of Columbia, Gary Pasley of Auxvasse, Dr. Roger Nolte of Rolla, Gordon Nolte of Wellsville and Larry Nolte of Auxvasse, brothers of the bride.

Mrs. Ervin Nolte, mother of the bride, wore a navy lace dress with pink accessories and her corsage was a white orchid. Mrs. Dryden, mother of the bridegroom, wore a beige dress with matching accessories and also had a white orchid corsage.

Grandmothers of the bridegroom, Mrs. G.L. Dryden, Sr., of High Hill, and Mrs. J. Burton Tate of Montgomery City, each wore a corsage of pink carnations.

Presiding at the guest book were Mrs. Richard Lubbers of Auxvasse and Miss Jo Ellen Pearl of Mexico. They also accepted gifts at a table covered with a pink cloth. Each wore a corsage of pink carnations.

Pink summer flowers were used on the mantelpiece and throughout the home of Mrs. and Mrs. Ervin Nolte southeast of Auxvasse, where the reception was held immediately following the ceremony.

The bride's table was covered with white lace over pink, and centered with a four-tier wedding cake topped with a miniature bride and groom. The cake was surrounded by ropes of honeysuckle and flanked by pink tapers in crystal holders and pink roses. After the bridal couple cut the first piece of cake, the remainder was cut and served by Mrs. Roger Nolte, sister-in-law of the bride. Presiding at the punch bowls were Miss Mildred Creasy of Mexico and Mrs. Don Hale of Martinsburg. Assisting in serving the guests were Mrs. Gordon Nolte, sister-in-law of the bride, and Miss Doris McPheeters and Mrs. David Smithee of Auxvasse.  Each of those serving had a corsage of pink carnations.

For going away the new Mrs. Dryden wore a white with poudre blue embroidered cotton sheath and a wide pleated poudre blue cummerbund. She wore a white picture hat and white gloves, and her shoes and purse were navy. Her corsage was two white orchids from the bridal bouquet.

She graduated from the Auxvasse High School as salutatorian of the class of 1954.

After a two weeks' wedding trip to Canada, the couple will reside in Mexico where the bride will continue working at the A.P. Green Fire Brick Co. Mr. Dryden will be employed in his father's store, Dryden's Store, in Auxvasse. He received his B.S. degree from Westminster College in Fulton on August 2. His fraternity is Kappa Alpha.

The wedding rehearsal was held at 4 p.m. Saturday at the Grand Prairie Baptist Church, after which the wedding party was entertained at dinner at the home of Mr. Dryden's parents. The hostess was assisted in preparing and serving the dinner by her sister-in-law, Mrs. Ralph Simmons of High Hill, Mo.

Those present in addition to Mr. Dryden and his fiancee, were Dr. and Mrs. Roger Nolte and daughters Susan, Marilyn and Karen, Mr. and Mrs. Gordon Nolte, Mr. and Mrs. Harold Nolte, Mr. and Mrs. Ervin Nolte, Miss Dixie Ehler, Miss Faye Ann Hellyer, Miss Mary Frances Duffen, Miss Jean Ann Wilks, Clayton Mottaz, Robert Owens, Gilbert Dryden, Miss Janice Bartholow, Gary Pasley, Gene Magruder, Larry Nolte, Miss Judy Dryden and Tommy Dryden.