Doubting Thomas' COVID-19 Be Damned Nutrition Plan

Many thanks to my loyal readers who have called, emailed and texted to find out how I'm doing during the global pandemic.

I am happy to report that, as of this writing, I'm fine. That could change at any time but for now, I'm virus-free due to: 

A)  social isolation. I've left the house only to walk the dogs and, twice, to pick up food at the drive-through windows of restaurants when I got tired of eating out of the fridge or pantry. 

B)  the proprietary diet plan I have followed for the last seven days. I'm sharing it here in the hope that you, too, can remain healthy so that you can also spend this pandemic watching back-to-back episodes of “90-Day Fiancee” instead of doing all the stuff around the house you always swore you would do if you had the time.  

Ready to learn my secret plan? Read on!

MONDAY

Breakfast

1 cup Dunkin’ Donuts coffee with 1% milk

2 Oreos cookies

Lunch

2 bowls Honey-Nut Cheerios with 1% milk

Dinner

6 White Castle Cheese Sliders (microwaved)

1 750 ml bottle Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc

TUESDAY

Breakfast

3 cups DD coffee with 1% milk

1 36 oz. tub Nestle Toll House Ready to Bake Cookie Dough

Lunch

22 1 oz. snack portions Tillamook Extra Sharp White Cheddar Cheese

2 sleeves of Ritz crackers

1 5.3 oz. box Ferrero Rocher Fine Hazelnut Chocolates

2 12 oz. cans Miller Genuine Draft

Dinner

1 20.5 oz. box Fruity Pebbles (dry)

2.5 cups Maker’s Mark Small-Batch Bourbon Whiskey with splash of water

Snack

7 Ghirardelli Milk Chocolate Bunnies from grandkids' Easter basket 

WEDNESDAY

Breakfast

4 cups Irish Coffee ( half DD Coffee, half Jameson's Irish Whisky)

Lunch

1 17.89 oz. Red Baron Brick Oven Pepperoni Pizza

1 2.5 lb. jar Kirkland Cashews

1 12 oz. can Diet Coke

Dinner

1  52.7 g package Ptasie Mlecsko Dark Chocolate Covered Marshmallows

1 50 oz. box Marie Callender's 3 Meat & 4 Cheese Lasagna  (Family Size)

Rest of 750 ml bottle of Maker’s Mark with splash of tap water

1 750 ml bottle, Joel Gott Cabernet Sauvignon

THURSDAY

Breakfast

1 Wendy’s Breakfast Baconator Combo  (sausage, American cheese, applewood smoked bacon, fresh cracked Grade A egg, Swiss cheese sauce)

1 senior Seagram’s Diet Ginger Ale*

Lunch

1 box Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies

2 orders Taco Bell Nachos BellGrande  

1 Taco Bell 7-Layer Burrito

1 pint Jeni’s Gooey Butter Cake Premium Ice Cream

Dinner

Finnish Bloody Mary — six airplane-sized bottles Finlandia Vodka mixed with 32 oz. bottle Heinz Ketchup

FRIDAY

Breakfast

3 cups Dunkin Donuts Coffee with 1% milk

1 box (6 ct) Little Debbie Honey Buns

Lunch

1 large Wendy’s Taco Salad 

3 bags Pop Secret Microwave Popcorn

1 9.3 oz. container Market Pantry Rainbow Sprinkles

17 12 oz. cans, Miller Genuine Draft

Dinner

8 Fat Boy Jr. Premium Ice Cream sandwiches

1 11 oz. pkg. Stouffer’s Creamed Chipped Beef served over large bag Fritos Spicy Jalapeño Scoops

Mongolian Bloody Mary — 750 ml bottle Bacardi Silver Rum mixed with 14.2 oz. bottle P.F. Chang’s Mongolian Style BBQ Sauce

SATURDAY

Breakfast

3 cups DD Coffee with 1% milk

Lunch

12 oz. box Velveeta Shells & Cheese Sauce prepared according to package directions with one can Chicken of the Sea oil-packed tuna and liberal amount of fresh ground pepper

1 can Dasani Lime Sparkling Water 

Dinner

8 Publix Blueberry Toaster Pastries

1 16 oz. Bottle McCormick's All-Natural Pure Vanilla Extract

SUNDAY

Breakfast

4 cups DD coffee with 1% milk

16.2 oz. jar Trader Joe’s Pitted Amarena Cherries with Stems

Lunch

7 oz. jar Pastene Monzanilla Olives

1 can Reddi-wip Extra Creamy Whipped Topping

1 1 lb., 8 oz box See's Peanut Brittle

Dinner

1 Scoop Purina Pro Plan Salmon & Rice Formula

Jemima Cocktail: One 24 oz. bottle Aunt Jemima Pancake & Waffle Syrup mixed with 16 fl. oz. bottle Walgreen's 93% Isopropyl Rubbing Alcohol 

2 Percocet tablets from 2011 wisdom tooth extraction

Be strong. Be well. Be brave.   And remember: That which does not kill you makes you stronger.   

*Free for those 65 and better with proof of age