Saturday, October 27, 2012

America's Only Objective Journalist® answers your questions about the election


Dear AOOJ®:
I’ve been a Democrat since my Harvard days but am concerned that President Obama, who promised to cut the national debt in half, has increased it by $4 trillion. I think it’s irresponsible he signed a health care bill nobody read. I’m concerned he’s anti-business and that his plan to raise taxes on high-income earners will worsen unemployment. I suspect he is not telling the full truth about Benghazi. I worry that, even though he promised hope and change, America is more deeply divided than ever. What do you think my friends at the Harvard Club will say when I tell them I’m voting Republican?
Don in Darien


Dear Don:
They’ll say you’re a racist.


Dear AOOJ®:
It should be clear to every thinking American that the single most important reason to re-elect President Obama is that Romney has vowed to end funding for Planned Parenthood! If this were to happen, I would have to buy my own birth control pills! Between the BMW lease payments, credit card bills, student loans and a cell phone bill that seems to go up every month, this will severely cramp my budget! Don’t you agree?
Sandi


Dear Sandi:
As America’s Only Objective Journalist®, I cannot express personal opinions about political matters. But if Romney wins and axes Planned Parenthood funding, get in touch with me. I will personally pay for your birth control because anyone stupid enough to think free birth control is among the top 20 reasons to vote for a president shouldn’t reproduce.


Dear AOOJ®:
I’m a conservative who believes the Bible is God's word and that America is a Christian nation. Obviously, I wouldn’t even consider voting for a Kenyan-born Muslim. That said, Romney is a Mormon, a religion that claims to be Christian but believes in a third book of the Bible. This is something I know to be untrue, so I can’t in good conscience vote for him, either. My problem is, my son says he is going to vote for Romney. What should I do?
Ollie in Okla


Dear Ollie:
You can stone him to death (Deuteronomy 21:21). 

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