Monday, September 2, 2013

A conversation with America's oldest living frat boy


T.D.: Hello.

Caller: Thomas Dryden please.

T.D.: Speaking.

Caller: My name is Lonnie and I’m calling on behalf of Kennedy & McDonald Publishing. We’re in the process of collecting information for the 2013 edition of the Delta Beta Upsilon national fraternity directory which will list more than 300,000 members. This call is being monitored for quality assurance. Is that OK?

T.D.: That's fine. Glad to hear from you.

Caller: Thomas, I’m calling to update your information as it will be listed in the directory. Is now a good time?

T.D.: Sure.

Caller: I have your name as Thomas Joseph Dryden.

T.D.: I changed it.

Caller: To what?

T.D.: Thomas Jamal Dryden – that’s J-A-M-A-L.

Caller: You were initiated into the University of Missouri chapter in January 1971. Is that correct?

T.D.: I don’t know where they got that. It was wrong in the last directory.
I was initiated in 1919. And it wasn’t Missouri. It was Yale.

Caller: But …

T.D.: I’d just come home from France after the Great War.

Caller: But that would make you …

T.D.: The oldest living DBU. I was honored last year at their convention.

Caller: I see. I have here that your profession is advertising. I take it you’re retired.

T.D.: Not at all.

Caller: What is the name of your company?

T.D.: My son Ben, his wife, Heidi, and my other son Stuart.

Caller: I’m not sure I understand what…

T.D.: They’re upstairs sleeping now. I probably shouldn’t call them company, they’re family, but they’re visiting for the weekend.

Caller: I have your address as …

T.D.: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC. I live with my granddaughter, her husband and their two daughters. Those girls are the light of my life, let me tell you.

Caller: And what’s the zip code?

T.D.: I’m not sure, you’ll have to look it up.

Caller: OK … your spouse is, I have her listed as Judith. Is that right?

T.D.: Not any more, we divorced and I’ve remarried.

Caller: What is your current spouse’s name?

T.D.: Gary. But don’t list that. DBU is very conservative. There are lots of Republicans in that outfit.

Caller:: Can I use this telephone number as your primary number?

T.D.: Yes.

Caller: And do you have an email address?

T.D.: What’s that?

Caller: You know – email.

T.D.: Never heard of it.

Caller: Thomas, the 2013 edition of the DBU directory will contain contact information on more than 300,000 brothers by chapter, occupation, and geographic location. I’d like to give you the opportunity to pre-order it for just $49.95 plus applicable sales tax.  If you provide your credit card information today it will arrive no later than November 15, 2013, with a purple and gold 100 percent cotton DBU t-shirt and a genuine leather binding.

T.D.: I don’t wear t-shirts.

Caller: There’s a less expensive package. For just $39.95 plus applicable sales tax I can send you …

T.D.: I don’t want it.  

Caller: OK then, thank you for your time.

T.D.: You’re welcome, call back any time.

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