A quick interview with Donald Trump

Love him or hate him, there's no arguing that Donald Trump's performance at last night's debate was unforgettable. This morning, tomdryden.com was granted an exclusive opportunity to sit down with the presidential hopeful to ask five quick questions. 

TD: You claim you’re the only Republican candidate capable of stopping Hillary Clinton from becoming president. How would you go about it?

DT: The Clintons are money-grubbing trash. As a wedding present they actually gave Melania and me a Thomas Jefferson soup tureen they’d stolen from the White House, put it in a turquoise box, and tried to pass it off as a gift from Tiffany's. A week before the general election I’d offer Hillary a billion dollars to drop out and trust me, she’d take it.

TD: Republicans are big on family values. Do you believe in family values?

DT: Absolutely. My wife, who sells jewelry through her own web site, has a net worth of $35 million. My five kids have trust funds valued at $25 million each. So the value of my family is north of $150 million but that, of course, pales in comparison to the $10 billion I personally own.

TD: What is your stand on abortion?

DT: If a pregnant woman could take a test and find out the baby’s she’s carrying was going to turn out like Rosie O’Donnell, I'd support her decision to abort. Who in their right mind wouldn't?  

TD: You’ve repeatedly expressed concern that America owes trillions to China that we can’t repay. What would you do about it?

DT: We'd declare bankruptcy like I’ve done four times with Atlantic City casinos I've owned. That, in turn, would bring down the Chinese government which would have to close its state-owned factories. We could then move all those jobs to Mexico, which would keep millions of wetbacks working south of the border where they belong instead of illegally crossing into the U.S. to rape our women. One decision would solve two problems at once. That’s the kind of president I’ll be.

TD: What person, living or dead, do you admire most?

DT: What a stupid question. Get out of my face.