Funereal humor

My 102-year-old mother, Ruby, who died yesterday, would kill me for telling this story but, for the first time in 63 years, I don’t have to worry about her reaction.  So here goes.

Mom lived in an Assisted Living facility in Columbia, Mo. She despised everything about it, and found it particularly annoying to be surrounded by fellow residents who, unlike her, were in various stages of dementia. One was Justine, a ninety-something farm wife who sat at mom’s assigned table during meals who, mom said, always got things wrong. Almost every time we talked mom would tell me the latest piece of misinformation from Justine, who spends her day parked in front of the TV.

At every meal Justine would announce disastrous news she had just seen on TV  -- “a tornado killed 10 people” or “there was a terrible fire.” When mom pressed for details – where/when/how – Justine would reply, “I’m not sure” or provide information that was clearly wrong.

Let me digress for those of you unfamiliar with mid-Missouri geography. Columbia is in Boone County. Rural Audrain (pronounced Awe-drain) County borders to the northeast. Last summer, during the Russian/Ukrainian conflict, a Malaysian Air 777 was shot down over Ukraine, killing nearly 300. That day Justine announced she had seen on TV that an airliner was shot down.

“Where?” Mom asked.

“Audrain,” Justine replied.

Yesterday, when my sister and I went to the Assisted Living facility to retrieve a dress for the funeral director (or, as mom would have called him, the “undertaker,”), lunch was being served. We stopped by mom’s table to tell her table mates mom had died. They said they were sorry.

“A thousand people have been killed in Naples,” Justine announced. “Naples, Florida?” I asked, horrified. “That’s right next to where I live.”

“I don’t know, they didn’t say,” she replied, shaking her head sadly.

Checking my phone a few minutes later I learned about the earthquake that set off an avalanche in Nepal and killed more than a thousand people.

I know mom is glad she doesn’t have to listen to that kind of prattle any more. I’m glad she doesn’t, too.

But we sure would have had a good laugh over that one.